Selectively Accurate

Okay, so I’m going to try this as an alternative to the question of the day.  I’m looking for the funniest caption for the cat picture above.  If you think you have it, leave a comment.

(Special thanks to ephien for the picture)

No really, she can.  You put your hand up and say, “High five, Reece”  and she throws her little paw up in the air to meet yours.  I used a fair amount of treats to teach her how to do this so consequently, she thinks that every time she puts her paw up she is going to get one.

I’m writing this for two reasons: 1) I’m bored at work and I wanted to show you all what I see on a daily basis. And 2) I’m playing with our store’s iPhone and there is an app that integrates nicely with my blog. Makes me wish I had an iPhone… Oh wait… Mine is on its way!

So, for those of you wondering, this is what I see when I look outside my store at the mall. It’s gonna be a long day.

Dear Wal-Mart,

In all of your vastness and hugemongousness (that’s right, hugemongousness), you are, in theory, one of the greatest department stores ever created.  At least, that’s what most people would say.  I, on the other hand, am going to tell you why you suck.  Don’t get me wrong, Wal-Mart is no doubt convenient.  Where else can you go and load your shopping cart with clothes, food, furniture, and a pack of gum without leaving the store?  I’ll tell you where… another Wal-Mart.  And now that there are as many Wal-Marts as there are McDonalds, it’s not difficult to find one of you.  So Wal-Mart, you are basically one giant convenience store.  After all, it’s very convenient to be able to go to a single store and buy everything you need.  And that is exactly what makes you so successful.  Now granted, you have your “Rolled Back” prices for certain things, and the little yellow smiley face… oh and the nice old lady who says hi to me as soon as I walk in the door.  (Which, you never really think about at other stores, but when that lady isn’t waiting for me when I walk into Wal-Mart, it ruins my entire shopping experience.)  Anyway, while I am in Wal-Mart I may think to myself, “Hmm… I need a toothbrush.”  (Something that I wouldn’t regularly buy) And then I think, “I might as well get it while I am here.”  What most people don’t realize is that Wal-Mart marks up prices for things like this just a wee bit.  Consequently, we all get ripped off slowly without even knowing it.  I am now convinced that it is impossible for me to go to a Wal-Mart without spending more than 40 dollars.  (And it only took me 18 trips to Wal-Mart to figure that out)  I bought 6 items today and it cost me 54 dollars!  And they were just a few random things that I needed such as a toothbrush.

So Wal-Mart, if you’re listening, I should be boycotting you after years of trickery and making me think that I was saving money, but I will not.  Until my chain of Curtis-Marts take off, I will happily continue to be raped by your “low” prices and your convenience.  Thank you for not screwing me big time. 

Love,

Curtis

Happy Birthday, Amanda! You will probably get this on your blackberry later today. (coughnerdcough) Just kidding. So, you’re in the big double digits now? How does that feel? Anywho, enjoy 20!

Your Big Bro

(special thanks to gizzypooh for the photo)

Welcome to the 34th annual Where’s Waldo (Penguin edition).  You really can’t look at this without saying, “Wow, that’s a lot of penguins.” Cause really, it’s a lot of stinkin penguins. 

I just found this poem that I wrote when I was in fifth grade and I thought I would share. It was published in the 1997 edition of the Anthology of Poetry by Young Americans.

Money does not grow on trees…
Well that’s what everybody says to me.
I don’t believe it, that can’t be,
Money has to grow on trees.

So all the money that I’ve kept,
Is moving to a different depth
I covered it up with a small mound,
And my money is growing underground.

One year has passed and I’ve seen leaves of green,
And I’ll be rich like in my dream.
Really rich is what I mean.

Fifty dollar bills have sprouted,
more will come I have no doubted.
Fall is here and time to pick,
I’ve got to hurry because time will tick.

I’ve picked my money and what I’ve gotten,
Does not look good, I think it’s rotten.
Now I’m poor unlike my dream,
Really poor is what I mean!

Special thanks to unkempt woman for the image.